


Only Know You've Been High When You're Feeling Low

by goddess_julie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-24 15:16:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2586170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddess_julie/pseuds/goddess_julie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I found him in bed with someone,” Louis says all at once.  He figures that it’ll be easier to say if he just blurts it out.  Like ripping off a bandage.  Except it leaves him feeling raw and exposed and Louis is fighting not to fall apart.  It’s proving to be almost impossible so he grips Zayn’s hand tight.  </p>
<p>or Louis finds his boyfriend cheating and is having the worst day ever.  Until he's not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only Know You've Been High When You're Feeling Low

**Author's Note:**

> NaNoWriMo Day 8. some angst for ya'll. Any feedback is appreciated. Not betaed. Enjoy!

The diner is busier than Louis had expected it to be at this hour of the morning. He supposes it is better, less likely for anyone to pay him any attention, less likely that he’d cause a scene if there were people around them talking loudly and enjoying their Sunday morning. Just because he is having the worst day of his life, didn’t mean that everyone was as miserable as he was.

Part of him wished they were. It is selfish, but Louis isn’t afraid of being seen as selfish. If he was crying, everyone should be crying. If his life was over, theirs should be too. It was only fair. 

Through his tears, he searches the faces at tables. Looking for a familiar face, kind eyes and what he was expecting to be a very confused best friend. In the back corner, near the toilets Louis sees him. Zayn looks artfully disheveled. He’s nursing a cup of coffee, looking down at the table in front of him and fidgeting nervously. Louis wants to turn around and run. He wants to climb back into his car and drive, just drive until he runs out of gas or hits an ocean or just stops. He needs to stop. Instead, he walks slowly, dodging waitresses and other customers, ignoring their apologies or protests when he doesn’t move out of their way fast enough.

“You came,” is Louis’ greeting when he steps up to the table. He says lit like he thought Zayn wouldn’t show up but they both knew he would. Zayn would drop everything if Louis called him, any time of the day or night no matter what was going on. Louis knows this because the true can be said of him. There haven’t been a lot of people that he would do anything for, no questions asked. But Zayn is one of them and the moment their eyes met he finds himself crying again.

“Shit Lou,” Zayn’s face crumples as he stands up and pulls the smaller man into his arms. “Of course I came. What happened?”

Louis can’t speak. Instead he shakes his head and slides into the booth across from Zayn. The waitress is at their table in a moment. Her smile dropping as she notices Louis’ tears, face turning into a mask of sympathy. “You need time love?”

Zayn shakes his head and answers for Louis. “No. Thanks Annette,” he smiles as he reads her nametag. “Can he have a cup of coffee and a piece of the chocolate fudge layer cake?”

Annette winks at Zayn knowingly and nods. “Of course doll. Coming right up.”

When they’re alone again, Zayn takes Louis’ hands in his own and they sit in silence.

Louis is the first to speak. “Talk to me Zee. Just … tell me about your day? Your night? Just talk.”

With a nod Zayn starts. He talks of Perrie and a trip they’re planning on taking, just the two of them. He tells Louis that Wali has just gotten her driver’s license and that he is terrified to even think about her driving a car but knows that she’s too tenacious to let Yasser’s insistence that if she waits a few years to drive that he’ll buy her any car she wants to stop her from doing what she wants to do.

The slice of cake, which looks bigger than it should look and is confirmed with a sly wink and grin from Annette, is placed in front of Louis laden with two spoons and two scoops of ice cream on the side. She’s back moments later with Louis’ coffee and a refill for Zayn before she tells them to holler if they need anything.

Louis takes a first bite of the cake before groaning and digging in again this time with ice cream. He moves to open his mouth when Zayn stops him.

“Cake and ice cream first.”

Louis nods. They slowly demolish the cake and ice cream, exchanging stories about their sisters and horror stories about boyfriends and dates and how little brothers would be so much easier. Louis is finally able to laugh when Zayn tells him a story about Doniya’s boyfriend showing up and handing Tricia a box of chocolates that had already been eaten and sampled.

“What did he say?” Louis snorted, just imagining the horror on Doniya’s face and the kind patience that he knew Tricia would have had. 

“Traffic was bad and he was starving. Would have stopped for drive thru but didn’t want to be late.”

“And he was going to your house FOR dinner?”

Zayn snorted with laughter as he nodded his head. 

“What did your Pops say?” Louis laughed as Zayn’s laughter amplified. 

“Da said, and I’m not even kidding, that maybe Will was just testing the chocolate in case it was poisoned, like a royal taster. Asked if he wanted to taste everyone’s dish before they tucked in.”

Louis’ eyes opened wide as he held his breath in anticipation. “And?”

“He actually thought about it,” Zayn said. “Like looked at all of our plates and then him, like he didn’t know if he was being sarcastic. Doniya was dying, I don’t know who she was madder at, him or Dad. Safaa held her fork up and told him she’d stab him if he touched her food.”

“Shit,” Louis giggled. “I wish I had have been there. Would have been a right laugh.”

“Yeah, we haven’t seen him or heard about him since. Mum turned to Walli and told her to take notes, that if she brings some tosser around like Will, that’s what’s going to happen to her too.”

“Remind me to bring Trisha some flowers and a box of unopened chocolates next time I’m over. Maybe a big bottle of wine.”

“God, she loves you enough already,” Zayn says truthfully. He pulls Louis’ hand in his own and in that move they both feel a heaviness fall over them.

“I found him in bed with someone,” Louis says all at once. He figures that it’ll be easier to say if he just blurts it out. Like ripping off a bandage. Except it leaves him feeling raw and exposed and Louis is fighting not to fall apart. It’s proving to be almost impossible so he grips Zayn’s hand tight. 

Zayn only nods and Louis notices he doesn’t look surprised. 

“Fuck, did you know?” Louis tries to pull his hand from Zayn’s grip, voice accusing. 

“Of course I didn’t know Lou,” Zayn’s voice is cool, controlled. “I’m going to pretend that you didn’t just ask me that. I’m going to ignore all of the implications that ride on the coattails of that accusation.”

“Well you don’t look surprised,” Louis growls. Anger is a much better emotion to feel than misery and depression. Anger makes him feel powerful, like he’s in control of himself. “What am I supposed to think?”

“You’re supposed to know that I haven’t liked him since you both started dating. I know that you know this because I’ve told you repeatedly. That I don’t like him or trust him. So of course I’m not surprised. He’s a twat and doesn’t deserve you.”

Louis feels all of the fight drain out of him and he rests his head on the table between them. The plates had already been taken away and coffee cups refilled. The table is cool against his cheek and forehead and Louis takes a moment to try and control his breathing. After a period of silence, Louis pulls himself together and sits up. “Need the loo.”

Zayn is going to give him ten minutes tops before he goes in after him. He knows that Louis isn’t the best at dealing with things, but this is something that they all saw coming. Even Louis, if he was honest with himself, but it is more likely the act of being cheated on than who is doing the cheating that bothers him. Thankfully, Louis reappears in only six minutes and looks like he’s washed his face and taken the time to pull himself together.

“You’re right,” Louis says once he slides back into the booth. “I know that Nicholas was a placeholder. I know that it wasn’t anything more than what it was and he has definitely done me a favour in forcing me to end it.”

“Okay?”

“But fuck. What is wrong with me?” Louis is babbling and Zayn knows to just let him go until he stops. It isn’t until he’s hoarse and there are tears in his eyes that Louis finally goes silent. He looks up at Zayn with a look of defeat in his eyes that breaks Zayn’s heart.

Zayn looks directly into Louis’ eyes so that the other man can see the weight of what he is about to say, so that Louis knows how genuine his words are. 

“Why are you so afraid?” Zayn’s voice is soft and patient. He knows he needs to approach this with gentle precision. “You know you can be happy. You know HE can make you happy, why won’t you just…”

“Because,” Louis starts with a dismissive tone. He looks away, eyes catching on the way the sun is starting to peek over the horizon. The smell of hamburgers, fries and onion rings are being replaced with bacon, pancakes and eggs as patrons are switching over from late night drunken meals to breakfast and hangover cures. When he turns back, he sees the pain in his best friend’s eyes but continues. “I lost that chance. I thought it would be best if we didn’t and he agreed…”

“He didn’t agree,” Zayn argues.

“He didn’t disagree.”

Frustration is bubbling over and Zayn throws his hands up in surrender. “You didn’t give him the chance. You made up your mind for the both of you. Tell me you don’t love him! That you still don’t think about him and what you could have both had!”

Louis inhales deeply and holds it in his lungs until he can feel the burn. The air escapes slowly through his nose until finally he speaks. “You know I can’t do that.”

“Then what is the problem? Why can’t you just call him? Call him and…”

“Because I’ve lost my chance. Did you not hear me? I’ve lost my chance and he’s moved on…”

“I don’t think I’ll ever move on,” a voice speaks from behind him, causing Louis to jump. He doesn’t need to turn around to see his face to know who it is. He hears that voice every night in his dreams, sees his face every time he closes his eyes. And sometimes when he doesn’t. Louis’s whole body freezes and he finds it difficult to breath. Zayn grips his hands gently and squeezes.

“It’ll be okay, Lou,” he assures Louis. Louis can only shake his head.

“You can’t promise me that.”

“Well I do,” Zayn looks up at the man behind Louis and he sees relief in their depths. A peace that Louis hadn’t even realized was missing until just this moment. “I promise you that if you’re true to your heart and you are honest with him, it will work out and it will be okay.”

“Better than okay,” the voice agrees.

Louis closes his eyes as he tries to regulate his breathing. He can hear whispering above him. He smells Zayn’s cologne come closer and doesn’t jump when he feels a stubbled jaw against his ear. 

“I’m going to go babe.” Louis can’t help but whimper nervously. “Talk to him. Tell him everything you refuse to tell me but I know is eating you alive. And look at him, really look at him and see he’s not doing much better than you are.”

“Zee,” Louis’s whine is barely a whimper. He can’t do this and he tells his friend this.

“You can. You’re going to be okay. What do you have to lose? You’ve been cheated on by Nick Fucking Grimshaw, things can only go up from here.”

The snort of a laugh escapes without his approval and he tightens his shut eyes as he hears shuffling on the other side of the table. Zayn leaves and Louis’s pulse is racing, his stomach churning with the coffee and cake.

“Lou? Please look at me?”

Slowly, Louis opens his eyes. When he meets concerned brown eyes watching him, a plush lower lip caught between teeth and furrowed eyebrows he breaks. Liam looks every bit as beautiful as he had almost ten months earlier the last time he’d seen him. The night he walked out and told Liam he wouldn’t be back. Only now he looks exhausted. He looks thinner and he just looks lost. Louis catches a glimpse of a ray of hope in his eyes and holds on to it. 

“Liam?” Louis gasps. “I’m …god I’m sorry.”

“Do you still love me?” Liam asks, ignoring Louis’ apology. 

“Yes. Of course I do.”

Liam nods at Louis’ confession. “Did you stop? At any point?”

Louis shakes his head.

“That’s all I need. I still love you Louis. I still … I don’t like what happened but I understand. At least I think I do. There’s never going to be anyone else but you.”

“Can you forgive me?” Louis blinks back tears as his hands tremble on the table in front of him. “I… I’m horrible. I put us both through so much pain for nothing.”

“What did you learn from it Louis? What did you learn from the last ten months?” 

He wasn’t expecting that question, so Louis pauses for a moment to think. “God. I learned how fucking stupid I am. How I can’t believe I could have something so perfect and walk away from it for nothing. I learned that what I feel for you is so much more than what we were convincing ourselves it was.”

Louis is surprised at the grin that covers Liam’s face.

“Then it wasn’t stupid and it wasn’t for nothing. It took this for you to learn what I already knew. We need to be on the same page Lou or it’s not going to work.”

“Do…” Louis starts slowly. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but Liam has taken his hands in his own and just that connection has his body completely on edge. “Do you want it to work?”

“Wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

“What if I don’t deserve it?” Louis genuinely believes that good things don’t happen to him, that he doesn’t deserve them because he’s always managing to fuck it up. 

“Then I’m here to remind you that you do.” Liam pulls Louis close and presses their lips together softly. “I’ll wait however long I have to Lou,” he confesses. “I just need to know that you’re going to get there in the end. That we both want the same thing.”

This is the time for Louis to be honest, both to Liam and himself. Zayn’s voice is echoing in his ears and he swallows down the worry, he swallows the fear that’s building in his heart and takes a deep breath.

“I want everything.”

Liam’s face lights up and he kisses Louis hungrily, licking into his mouth and pulling him across the table. They stay until neither can keep their eyes open any longer. “Come to mine,” Liam asks shyly. “I haven’t slept since you left.”

Louis thinks he should wait, that they should take it slow and rebuild trust. He needs to rebuild Liam’s trust but more importantly he needs to rebuild his own trust in himself. As he looks at Liam, hope in his kind eyes and the nervousness in his stance, he nods.

“Anywhere you want to go, I’ll follow.”

They head out once they’ve learned that Zayn took care of the bill when he left. Opting for a taxi, they slide in once it has pulled up and Liam gives the driver his address. The mood is easy between them, none of the earlier tension present. When Louis looks across the seat, he sees Liam watching him as though afraid to look away in case Louis disappears.

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” Louis announces. He watches Liam nod.

“I know. I just … I never told you. I love you Lou, I still love you.” Louis feels his heart flutter at Liam’s words and he grips his hand tighter. “I never stopped.”

Louis wants to say he doesn’t deserve it, but he can’t. He doesn’t want to insult Liam that way, insinuating that he would waste his love and affection so carelessly. Instead he smiles and pulls Liam’s hand to his mouth, kissing his fingers gently.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” he finally says. When he sees Liam’s resulting smile and the way his eyes crinkle with happiness he knows he’s finally said the right thing.


End file.
